All posts filed under: chronic illness

Accepting Limitations Caused by Chronic Pain & Illness

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Yesterday, after much deliberation (far too much deliberation), I finally accepted the fact that I can no longer work a full-time job because of my chronic pain. My bosses did everything they could to work with me on a solution, but I cannot fundamentally perform the tasks required by my job. Driving to the office, sitting in a chair every day, and traveling to meetings was chipping away at me, little by little, breaking down any resilience I had left… which sounds absurd, doesn’t it? A sedentary job being too much for me? But it was, and it is. Even mitigating devices put in place (like a kneeling chair at my desk or taking breaks in a recliner in my office) wasn’t enough. Husband has been begging me for ages to put my health first, finances be damned, but I kept dwelling on the decision and driving him out of his mind with my constant “What if?”s (again, I am sorry, Husband). The reason for my very extended delay in making this transition was that it …

Maladaptive Memories (Or, How Your Body Just Won’t Let Go)

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Is your memory just too good? I’m not talking about recalling what you ate for breakfast six Sundays ago or always knowing where you dropped your car keys. I’m referring to the body’s ability to remember everything that happened to it — for your entire life. We hear terms like “muscle memory,” but most of us have no reason to contemplate what that means. Well, let me enlighten you. Muscles remember a strength training routine far easier the second time around; say you start training, have a few weeks of vacation, and then start again because your clothes don’t fit after the annual Holiday Food Gauntlet. It is far easier to get back on the saddle the second time, and it takes less time to reach the same goals. This idea of the body remembering things has always stuck with me. Let’s say I took a tire iron to your knees on Thanksgiving, Nancy Kerrigan-style (stay with me). Once you get over the initial shock, pain, casts, surgery, rehab, soft casts, physical therapy, aqua therapy, and more — let’s say that …

Inflammatory Foods and Chronic Pain, Part II

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Sorry for my lengthy absence; it’s been another one of those flares. Back to business as usual! I have discussed before how food can have a direct effect on what happens in the body. Use any cliched vehicle for this idea that you like — our bodies are temples, our bodies have engines that need pure fuel, our bodies don’t like toxins that gunk up the system. Basically, we are what we eat. Those suffering from chronic pain and illness already got the short stick, but 99 times out of 100, we are also told by doctors that we should follow some form of an “anti-inflammatory diet.” Now, I was tested for inflammation by a rheumatologist, and while it was higher than normal, it wasn’t stratospheric. That was how he ruled out arthritis (well, duh). So while my joints aren’t inflamed in a rheumatoid arthritis sort of way, I can definitely tell the days when my body as a whole is just… blegh. Like this morning, for instance! I spent last night pigging out. I’d had …

Pain News Network: Aroga Yoga

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Here’s my newest column for the Pain News Network! One of the most popular remedies that pain management doctors like to recommend for patients is yoga. Not only has yoga created a revolution in the fitness and apparel worlds, but it also is touted as a great way for chronic pain patients to exercise. This generally leaves us patients in a strange spiral of “I hurt too much to work out” and then feeling worse because we aren’t moving. Physical activity is necessary in whatever form we can manage. I have several instructional DVDs, but only a few of them are actually tailored to people with illness and pain. I decided to go hunting for the Big Kahuna. My search was not in vain: I discovered Kayla Kurin, creator of Aroga Yoga. “Aroga,” which I thought was just a great rhyme, actually means “healthy, well, or free from disease.” Ms. Kurin is a yoga teacher based in London who focuses exclusively on chronic pain and illness, as she uses it to manage her own chronic fatigue …

Learning About Chronic Pain Prevention With MOOCs

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Let’s get this started with a quote from the MOOC in question: “It’s very difficult to completely get rid of chronic pain if you don’t successful manage it in the first thirty days.” — Dr. James Fricton Well, no wonder I’m f**ked. I have never successfully completed a MOOC, or massive open online course, but of course this topic struck a chord: Preventing Chronic Pain: A Human Systems Approach, which is being offered through the University of Minnesota. The first week’s lesson was just released, so I am settling myself in for this 10-week course to see how this pain researcher and professor, Dr. James Fricton, can offer me new and unique ways to prevent my pain from getting worse. Imagine my surprise when I see that the suggested course reading is a mystery novel — that he wrote! As he explains in the introductory video, Dr. Fricton started writing a book because he wanted to explain these preventative concepts as he’d come to learn them; then he realized that there was more of a story to be …

When is a Flare More Than a Flare?

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I’m writing this while wearing my neck TENS unit that also has electrodes snaking down to my shoulders. I have been in a pain flare for weeks. We are talking days upon days of pure, undiluted flare. I can’t remember the last time I felt this rocky for so long. My absence from this blog has been spent just trying to get through the work day without being crushed by my own body. I broke down and took the heavy medications I save for truly bad days, and they did nothing to relieve the pressure. All three levels of my spine are throbbing with different ailments: tension and shooting pain in my neck, head, and shoulders; pulsing rib pain around my trunk; and rickety bones setting off sciatic jolts in my hips and legs. Is it the heat? The constantly-changing weather? The humidity? Work stress? Sitting for too long? Inhaling while turning too quickly? Who the hell knows. What does it mean to flare? A flare is when your normal pain suddenly magnifies for whatever reason. Breakthrough pain occurs …

Pain News Network: Rating the Pain Creams

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Here’s my most recent column for the Pain News Network!  I am a connoisseur of pain creams. My idea of Christmas is when my friend’s mom mailed me a box filled with unopened packages of Bengay (true story). Every morning I slather on a layer of something containing menthol in order to numb my back. Then my cat decides to attack me. Why? Because cats love menthol (also a true story). Anyway, I have tried many, many, many different topical anesthetics over the years. Here are my experiences with the common and unique brands: Bengay: The gold standard. Whenever I use this brand, I generally gravitate toward the pain relief massage gel. However, my friend’s mom sent me the regular Bengay. What, you thought I was kidding? Here’s a picture of my Bengay drawer. There’s no doubt about it: Bengay is good. However, even the massage gel only contains 2.5 percent menthol, which is the active ingredient that transports your skin to the Arctic. It also has camphor, like what’s used in Vick’s VapoRub, to reduce …

Do You Want to Get Better?

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Do you want to get better? It’s a simple question, but many patients find it almost impossible to answer. It is part of the reason why a great number of doctors are hesitant to prescribe medication that patients need. They don’t want to enable irresponsible behavior. They are worried about what psychiatrists call “secondary gains.” And what are secondary gains? Well, it’s not fun being a chronic pain patient. All of us know that. But you know what? You deserve to stay home from work. You feel disgusting, like a nuclear wasteland. Why should you have to go to work? In fact, why should you be required to have a job at all when you feel like death all the time? If anyone deserves disability payments, it’s you. And you know what else? Sometimes you really need an excuse to get out of social obligations. “Oh, sorry, I’m not feeling well. Maybe next time.” Except “next time” turns into ice cream and binge-watching Netflix. The worst part is that you might not even realize you’re doing it. So much of pain is …